Linda Nelson

So you just discovered your loved one is an addict. You are horrified, angry, embarrassed, frustrated, and almost every emotion known to man. What do you do?

Original image via Bing Creative Commons, courtesy of Christ the Truth http://christthetruth.wordpress.com/2011/07/04/addiction-seminar-for-teens/

It is hard knowing what to do.

My son has been an addict for almost half his life, along with being in and out of jail and rehabs.

At the moment, he is in recovery, and living at home.

How do I do it?

Well, it’s not easy. I had to learn coping skills and what I could change and what I couldn’t change.

You see, it all has to begin with you.

I hear you – You don’t have a problem – They have the problem.

But you can’t change them. You can’t cure their addictions for them. The only one you can change and cure is you.

First off, if you haven’t been to one, get yourself to either an al-anon or a nar-non meeting. Attend six of these meetings and then decide if they are for you. Chances are you will see you in a different perspective. This would be your first stage of change for you.

The healthier you become can open doors for your addict to change. They may not like your new you in the beginning, but so what. At this stage, you probably don’t like them much either.

You become stronger, savvier, and almost fearless. Maybe even a leader by example.

But if you try to change them instead of you, you will only be met with resistance. This will cause things to escalate even more.

So how do you get them to get help if you can’t do anything about their addiction?

You have to let them go – let them fall – the sooner they fall the less likely they will die from their addiction.

They have to get in trouble with the law. They need to learn about consequences. They need to learn how to pick themselves up.

So you wait – They have to ask for help on their own – you can throw ideas out to them as suggestions – The best suggestion is rehab, and it doesn’t matter how many times it takes either. They have to want the help or when it is given it won’t make a difference.

I know that my addict will probably mess up again. Each time he learns something new and takes a step forward in his recovery.

But know that the very first step of asking and getting help is the hardest one to take.

Check out these links on Addiction I think you may find useful.

http://addictionblog.org/

http://www.addictionblog.net/

http://www.thefix.com/content/blogs

http://addictionrecoveryspot.blogspot.com/

http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/

http://peglud.wordpress.com/category/parent-of-an-addict/

Original image via Bing Creative Commons, courtesy of laughingsquid.com

“If winter came every ten years, then half of my life would be filled with nonstop gardening.”

Cold… Winter is always too cold for me. This must be a sign of ageing. I remember when I was a kid I would spend hour after hour outside in the cold, it didn’t matter whether or not the temperature had dropped below zero. I still loved being outside, sledding and what not. I can’t help but think about how things seem to change the older one gets.

I’m counting down to the spring. Next month is maple sugaring time. March is the month of the seed catalogue. April – I live for April. That is the month where we set our seeds into the ground. Of course, I am guilty of planting too early.

I need a vacation to somewhere the warmth presides. Or, an indoor pool so I can at least pretend I’m there. Come May, I think a couple of trips to workshops and conferences may do the trick.

The RWA conference that is in TX this year would be an ultimate goal, but that won’t be happening for me. I think for starters, I will be staying close to home.

Deb Dixon will be at the Sheraton Tara in Nashua for our NHRWA Workshop. I’m absolutely going to that one. My spot has already been bought and paid for. All I need to do is rent a room for the weekend. My other half will accompany me to the hotel and see me off. I will supply him with my laptop and kindle while I am away learning how to write better.

During that same month, I hear that the New England RWA Chapter is also having an event. I have decided to attend that one too. And, once again my other half will accompany me on this trip of Vacation & Work. He has been extremely supportive of me ever since I began writing.

We haven’t had a true – stay at a hotel – vacation in almost 6 years. I can’t wait.

ROW80 Check In:

I didn’t actually do any work on my word count this week except for the blog posts. The block is still in place. It is plotting time. The plots have been too weak, and I seriously do need to do some world building, being exceptionally careful not to find myself in the world of the Game of Thrones – the next book series I honestly – absolutely need to read. It must hold a clue or some sort. I hear Martin writes in Multiple POV, which is a favorite style of mine. Anne McCaffery wrote Dragonrider’s of Pern in Multiple POV. I never noticed this when I read the series way back in the ’80s.

So, until further notice, I will be plotting and building.