Addiction – Page 3 – Linda Nelson

Image courtesy of The Commons Getty Collection Galleries World Map App via Bing.com creative commons

Winter is coming! Oh, wait, it’s already here.
It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years has come and gone. I hope your holiday was filled with cheer and good nature. Sometimes this can be an impossible task during the holidays when things happen. Things that are on the other side of the spectrum. I’m talking about the loss of a loved one.
It’s such a sad thing to lose a loved one and even sadder still when it happens around the holidays. A feeling of hopelessness comes over them instead.
I know of a couple of ladies who have lost a loved one during the holiday season. Theirs is a tragic story of addiction taking its toll once again. Both ladies were high school classmates and each lost a child during the holidays, each a year apart from the other.
Addicts are nothing more than a ticking time bomb that can trip at any given time for any reason what so ever. It isn’t a matter of self-control. That was lost a long time ago. All it takes is just a second to lose all that was gained in recovery. Someone could offer a free sample or just place the substance in front of them, even though they’ve been clean for over 30 years.
Imagine how hard it is for someone recent to recovery. Their bodies had built up a tolerance to their chosen substance over time. They knew what they could tolerate and forget how long it took to get that way. 30 days or 90 days have passed and they use again. Fallen as angels, and so sad, they never stood a chance.
As parents, they will ponder on whether there was something more they could have done. When in actuality there was not one thing they could have done to save their child. Now they must be careful their child doesn’t pull them over the edge of the cliff with them.
I know all this, because I’m the mother of an addict. I’ve come to accept that the inevitable may happen someday to my own son. I have no choice but to remind myself that he lives on borrowed time.
These ladies that I know, are my stepping stones. I watch them from a distance and see how they fare in surviving after losing their addict child. They have shown strength during a time of festivities.
Yes, I’m filled with fear of what is to come. I learned a long time ago how to find my comfort zone. I’m not sure how secure the zone is for me, but it does exist. It’s only a faint memory of how I was, and what I felt before my son ever existed, before he was even a thought or the planted seed in the womb.
I would have to go back to that time and remember how I was happy before he existed, happy when he existed, and hopefully to find comfort when he is gone.
For now he survives, a thin line is what he walks, that can break at any given moment, and I accept him as he is, was and will be.

So you just discovered your loved one is an addict. You are horrified, angry, embarrassed, frustrated, and almost every emotion known to man. What do you do?

Original image via Bing Creative Commons, courtesy of Christ the Truth http://christthetruth.wordpress.com/2011/07/04/addiction-seminar-for-teens/

It is hard knowing what to do.

My son has been an addict for almost half his life, along with being in and out of jail and rehabs.

At the moment, he is in recovery, and living at home.

How do I do it?

Well, it’s not easy. I had to learn coping skills and what I could change and what I couldn’t change.

You see, it all has to begin with you.

I hear you – You don’t have a problem – They have the problem.

But you can’t change them. You can’t cure their addictions for them. The only one you can change and cure is you.

First off, if you haven’t been to one, get yourself to either an al-anon or a nar-non meeting. Attend six of these meetings and then decide if they are for you. Chances are you will see you in a different perspective. This would be your first stage of change for you.

The healthier you become can open doors for your addict to change. They may not like your new you in the beginning, but so what. At this stage, you probably don’t like them much either.

You become stronger, savvier, and almost fearless. Maybe even a leader by example.

But if you try to change them instead of you, you will only be met with resistance. This will cause things to escalate even more.

So how do you get them to get help if you can’t do anything about their addiction?

You have to let them go – let them fall – the sooner they fall the less likely they will die from their addiction.

They have to get in trouble with the law. They need to learn about consequences. They need to learn how to pick themselves up.

So you wait – They have to ask for help on their own – you can throw ideas out to them as suggestions – The best suggestion is rehab, and it doesn’t matter how many times it takes either. They have to want the help or when it is given it won’t make a difference.

I know that my addict will probably mess up again. Each time he learns something new and takes a step forward in his recovery.

But know that the very first step of asking and getting help is the hardest one to take.

Check out these links on Addiction I think you may find useful.

http://addictionblog.org/

http://www.addictionblog.net/

http://www.thefix.com/content/blogs

http://addictionrecoveryspot.blogspot.com/

http://parentsofanaddict.blogspot.com/

http://peglud.wordpress.com/category/parent-of-an-addict/