Why is it that fear can come out of nowhere in the middle of the day. It does not matter what is happening during that time. We can be having a relatively good day and then zing we are now hit with a feeling of fear. It hit everyone too for different reasons and sometimes it becomes global and infectious. We look at circumstances that happen in our world and then claim that some sort of terrorism is behind it, but what kind, and where did it really come from. Do we really need to blame other people and places for our fears or does it really come out of no where to test how and what we make of it. Like the fuel problems that the world is dealing with right now. It is causing some sort of panic world wide. Is something trying to tell us that we should be using our fear to change something that needs to be changed. Our fear of how our environment has deteriorated over the last hundred years, should that have been our first clue that change needed to happen. And now that there has been financial trouble going around the world, something is telling us that change needs to happen. When they find an energy to replace the fuel needs of today will this take away our fears of the environment.
The economy has problems and everyone around the world fears how they will be able to make it through the winter. The greed in some seems to be fueling the fear and causing panic, so this is where we begin to blame people and places for causing our panic. What can we change and how can we change it matters now. Putting off change can make matters worse as time goes by. Do we really need to wait until something bad happens to make a change or can we accept that it needs to happen so we can change.
Automobile industries don’t want to change their design because they would then have to think about how to change and this will cause them to spend more money, but they are losing money anyway’s, will the longer they wait cause them to lose more money than what they would earn with change.
Oil companies don’t want to change their energy source, they would have to think about how to change where and what their energy comes from and this would make them lose money or would it really. Killing our environment and the world population does not seem to be the right choice for them to continue making. When their energy source runs out what will they use then and when there is no populace left in the world who would buy their energy.
These are our global fears. I think it is funny that my personal fears can be as minute as fearing what other people think of me. Maybe I need to change some more, like what I think of myself and how I do things. Think and do can be so simple but so hard at times.
I thought it all started when I had married my past husband. He was a heavy drinker who was a very negative person that was abusive. I had lived with him for thirteen years not knowing what was wrong with me, always thinking that everything was my fault. Then we divorced with me still thinking everything was my fault.
When my son turned seventeen he developed his dad’s illness, plus some, causing him to enter rehab. This is where my life began to change as I was told to go to meetings to, to help him with his recovery. Little did I know that it would begin my own recovery. I then found out that there are a lot of people out there like myself who don’t know that the illness begins mostly when you are young through taught behaviors from our parents. I had never looked at my parents of being abnormal. Yes they drank alcohol, but mostly on the weekend or when they were on vacation. I never saw them fight, so I didn’t think there was anything wrong with their behavior. Both my brother and I did well in school. Our parents were always critical of the things we did and the friends we had, but I just thought they were being parents. But then I grew up always being worried about what other people thought of me. Always trying to change the way they felt, if I thought their feeling were aimed at me, I would then feel guilty and depressed. I struggled with self esteem because I always thought I was to blame for everyone’s feelings.
So I struggled like this for a good portion of my life and then the door opened for me as I went to these meetings and found out that there was no such thing as normal for anyone. Everyone’s life is different but the same. What a paradox we live and yet we go through our life probably not knowing that we are already normal as it could get for anyone.
So things started to change for me, in the way I looked at myself and the world around me. I stopped trying to be responsible for others, their feelings and their behaviors. I began trying to focus on my feelings and behaviors. I cried a lot in the beginning, but when I no longer felt like crying it went away. Then I learned that I could feel the feeling that I wanted to feel. So now I choose to be happy all the time. I have had enough of the sadness and no longer choose to feel that one. Anger was difficult for me, I use to stuff anger and refuse to do anything with it. Anger can be very destructive and has to be vented softly.
Finding balance between all these feeling has been difficult but it can be done. I have learned to step back and wait before reacting. I allow myself to feel and I allow others to feel. It has been difficult but I like the changes I have learned to make to myself.